


Journals!

by IsabelleMGLightwood5



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 07:30:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7882264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsabelleMGLightwood5/pseuds/IsabelleMGLightwood5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My Diary edited to keep people's privacy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Journals!

My Journals!

February 1, 2016

Today has been an interesting day so far and it has only just begun. At the time of writing this it is 10:43 am. I woke up or was woken up at around 7 am. I had forgotten to set my alarm, which had been changed to 6:00 am because of having to wake up earlier yesterday. My mom was frustrated with me for multiple reasons this morning. One because of the lateness of when I woke up and second because of not wearing my retainer to keep my teeth straightened, last night. So this morning after eating pizza for breakfast and setting up lunch to have when at New Vistas School; I ended up brushing my teeth and put my retainer in. Now at school, I am feeling better about the day. First thing discussed was a plan for Kindness. The second thing was talking about how our own families are special. I will be excited to work on these things.  
My mom also wants me to be much more independent and to be responsible for myself and my own actions. For some reason I am not very consistent with my life, I could wake up at 6 am because I wanted to spend time with my mom and go to Charlottesville with her for her MRI appointment and then she and I went to McDonald’s for Breakfast, Barnes and Noble nearby, and then we went to two Antique stores. We had lunch at Wendy’s before leaving Charlottesville and some other places.  
I have wanted to travel the world. The most recent place I want to travel to is India. I originally thought that I would be going with my dad, just because he had been there once twenty years ago, and because he likes Indian food just like I do. Now, the best time to visit India is apparently December to March. It was already into January when these plans were still being thought up. My dad will be getting busier and stressed as time goes on, so it was thought that it could be better if I went to India with my mom despite her not being able to eat or enjoy Indian/spicy foods. If I went with my mom it was possibly decided that we would go first to India and travel back through England. But this morning because I frustrated my mom so much with being irresponsible and inconsistent with my behavior of waking up on time and not wearing my retainer the night before, she said that there might not even be the possibility of going on this trip or even the R5 concert that I am trying to get tickets for, to see them again with one of my two main best friends again, because he was really excited about R5 being closer to us a second time and I think he wants to prove what a woman told us the last R5 concert. A woman at the first R5 concert I’d ever been to, and Devon’s first concert in the world; had told us that she and her daughter thought that Riker Lynch, my favorite member of R5, was gay aka: homosexual. I am not willing to completely believe her because this woman was drinking alcohol at the concert at an intermission or just before getting our seats. This woman said that she does not drink often or at least does not like to drink in front of her kids, seventeen years old or so she said they were; a son and daughter. This woman did not seem like a reliable source. And yet he was so sure that this woman was telling the truth and that he was in disbelief because now he could see the references or whatever that this woman had been suggesting and that now he had more chance of getting with a member of R5 than I did. And it just so happened to be (if this is actually true) that it would be Riker Lynch, who my friend had never really found nearly as attractive compared to Riker’s brothers, Rocky, Ross, or Ryland; that is until he learned about this from that woman. Oh well. Whatever happens will have to happen.  
I still really want to travel to India no matter how short of time we stay there. And it doesn’t matter who goes with me. I just feel the need to visit there! It will be a whole new perspective!  
I hope to find a nice paying job. I want the job to be something to do with people, books, children, learning, even science. I still want to do something that would help people, stop crimes or learn why criminals commit these crimes that they do. I am still looking into working at Givens Books I need to go by again and ask about any changes and if there’s anything I could do to help around, or anything I could do to better increase my options etc. 

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February 29, 2016  
Another week has begun. Yesterday was a pretty good day. I spent the evening with my dad. I practiced driving with him. He and I went to lunch at Milan Indian Cuisine, we enjoyed our time together. We ate from the buffet for lunch, it was the most crowded I had ever seen that restaurant!! There were many families out to lunch with their young children. I practiced driving both Saturday and Sunday. I need to practice much more and not get distracted. I wish I could listen to music while driving because I think that would help me calm down. I was able to focus on the road even with a little bit of music in the background when driving with LC. My dad would probably not want me to do that because he’d think I’d get distracted and start singing and looking around anywhere but the road. However, it is a logical thought, as earlier on Sunday I had gotten slightly distracted by a bird flapping wings, and then I was suddenly heading towards a small tree and a curb because the wheel was going in the direction my eyes were headed, which was straight rather than curved and to the right where I was actually supposed to be going! I had a good time reading and trying to write as well, but I needed to have a bit more time working on reading and writing.

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February 8, 2016 Journal Entry Downton Abbey  
Downton Abbey is an amazing British drama with a fascinating combination of cast and crew along with intriguing time periods including the sinking of the Titanic and the beginning of World War One (I) and the Suffragette Movement, allowing women the right to vote. There are many interesting characters, some of whom you are meant to dislike but because of their actions towards others, people are quick to be cautious of them. This disagreeable character is Thomas Barrow (aka: Mr. Barrow). He is my favorite “villainous character” mostly because of the reason that he is homosexual at a time where it was illegal to be. If the world around the home of Downton Abbey knew of Mr. Barrow’s sexual orientation then he could be fired from being an Under butler or a Butler, at Downton Abbey. Downton Abbey airs on television on PBS every Sunday at 9 p.m. I watch Downton Abbey with my mom and dad. It has become a new tradition for the three of us, but Downton Abbey is now in its sixth and final season. Knowing this makes me quite sad; as I had wanted to see the series go through World War Two (II) and into modern times like 2016! I am an aspiring writer and wish that I could write about these characters as if they were my own creations and characters, but I did not and do not own the rights to Downton Abbey. So even if I wanted to, it does not seem that likely that I could write true to these characters (and the way that good things happen to these characters). Mr. Barrow is a character that is just disliked because he is not kind to the people around him. He wants to learn and know about the secrets of others. He manipulates others often. But Mr. Barrow has another side to himself, one that he keeps hidden away from the surface, so that no one can easily harm him. Mr. Barrow has a sympathetic side to him, an understanding and vulnerable-ness that is not shown often. I am an empathetic person, and my best friend is homosexual. I don’t personally know what it would be like or feel like to be in Mr. Barrow’s position at a time where who you loved could be the make or break of a situation in life and the possibility of death. At this time homosexuality was illegal. There was not much known on the topic as it would have been kept top secret and very hidden. I want to know what will happen to Mr. Barrow next. I am running out of favorite characters and some characters are changing personality wise and not for the better. Downton Abbey, the real area is the Highclere Castle in England, which I was able to visit firsthand a couple of years ago) is an amazing sight to behold. I hope that Downton Abbey will continue on despite the Directors saying that this will be the final season. I want more amazing British actors, characters, plots, and situations to happen!!

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March 7, 2016  
Downton Abbey Season 6 the final season and the season finale  
This episode of Downton abbey was amazing! I loved it. Problems were resolved. Anna and John Bates now have a son! Edith and Bertie have married. Isobel has married or at least is helping Lord Merton with his health. Thomas Barrow tried to find work, was successful but found that he was not enjoying himself at all. Barrow comes back to Downton Abbey for Christmas and becomes the Head Butler because Mr. Carson begins to show signs of Cerebral Palsy or maybe it could have been Parkinson’s Disease. Daisy learns that Andy is in love with her. Daisy starts feeling if not the same than something for Andy once she starts looking at him differently and after multiple people say that she could do much worse than being with Andy. She realizes that she could be in love with Andy. Tom Branson, husband to the late Sybil Crawley, apparently found someone to spend his life with and to take care of baby Sybbie. Mary Crawley and Henry Talbot are married now and Mary is pregnant. She does not have the baby yet, not shown in this last episode though. Thomas Barrow learns that he can be nicer than he used to be. He has found friendships with Anna, Ms. Baxter, Andy, and some others. Thomas Barrow has an interesting relationship/friendship with the future Master George Crawley. I enjoyed watching each and every character of Downton Abbey grow, figuratively, literally, physically, and mentally. I also enjoyed watching the characters change and to see how they would react to obstacles. I am happy that Mary and Edith have gotten closer to an understanding. They have a really intriguing relationship!!  
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May 3, 2016 

Today has been a pretty good day. I woke up a little bit late, because I was still tired. I never sleep well. I also have chronic migraines so all of that is just a barrel of laughs! Hopefully I will outgrow the migraines just like I outgrew the motion sickness, from the point where I could barely go in the car for short drives and would end up getting sick. In the morning the elementary students went to Mrs. N. to work on power point and researching information and taking notes of that information. At one point R. had asked for my help. About two seconds afterwards, I was standing up to help R. when T. asked for my help as well. I went to R. first because she asked first. Was that the right thing to do? Apparently it was not the right decision in T.’s opinion, because soon after, (I was still trying to help R) Mrs. N. was helping him. T. became extremely frustrated and unhappy. T/ also started yelling at Mrs. N. I hope he’s feeling better now, I don’t know what happened but I can’t be in two places at once. That science has not been created yet. I saw him a little bit ago and he seemed more calmed down. I have been thinking a lot about SHADOW HUNTERS The Mortal Instruments, the books, the t.v. series, and the movie from 2013, based on the first book of the Mortal Instruments series called City of Bones. I am trying to write a fanfiction of some sort based on the new Free Form Shadowhunters with the specific characters being Alec Lightwood, Clary Fray, and Magnus Bane. They are my favorite characters. I don’t fully know why they are my favorite, particularly when all three are together in the same vicinity. I like their interactions. Magnus acts like an over- protective father or brother figure over Clary in some stories, because Magnus had been there to watch as Clary grew up because he was taking away Clary’s memories slowly and Clary needed to come back often for that treatment. I wonder what will be for supper. I wonder if Papa will want to practice some driving, not sure how safe an idea that is because I am slowly getting more tired. I need to work on sleeping and actually sleeping not just getting in bed and closing my eyes or getting in bed but reading rather than sleeping. Or Papa and I could go on another father/daughter drive through the mountains and other places for longer than other times. I want to listen to more of my music, singing along to the words, most of which I have learned almost by heart! I need to really write something, not just journal entries. I want to write fanfiction too, but I fear that the stories would not be read. Why do I worry so much? I doubt myself a lot. I need more self-confidence. Just write, don’t think about everything on the first draft just write down what you want to write about. But then everything seems disorganized and that drives me crazy but that is the only way my writing has been. I am getting into one of those depressed feeling moods… I’m going to talk to my second best friend when I get on Facebook or text him. I wonder if he and Devon would want to see Jungle Book at some point.

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May 5, 2016 Thursday  
Cinco De Mayo The Fifth of May. I am starting to feel sick or at least I have a very sore throat which started immediately after waking up this morning. Yesterday, Wednesday, instead of watching the new episode of Arrow, Thomas, Moma, and I went to the Hill Cats Baseball game. They were playing two games in one day. They will play an extra game this coming Monday, which would have originally happened yesterday as well, because it has been raining like crazy these past few days, and some of the baseball games were suspended/put on hold until rain stopped. I wish this rain would stop. But I had a nice day when rain wasn’t happening yesterday. I went to the chiropractor and got as I call it, “crunched” and it seemed to really help my headache, at for close to two hours. I felt actual relief; however after those two hours passed, I felt a whole lot worse than I had originally. I went to bed at what felt early, but was probably closer to 11 pm. I was trying to get to sleep but had other things on my mind as usual. Thankfully, it was not something like a couple of days ago when I was slowly almost purposely creating anxiety for myself by doubting myself and my writing ability. Instead of doubting myself I was reading more of City of Bones, Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare. I am now on page 266, chapter 14, The Hotel Dumort, although I was reading more this morning to get to page 266. I am further along in the book than I had gotten to the last time I tried reading it. I’d say that that is progress. The weather right now, along with the possibility of being sick is really bringing me down emotionally wise. I almost feel like how my best friends were describing how they were feeling, in a rut, not really enthusiastic about doing much of anything. I don’t like this feeling. Also the headaches have gotten worse yet again. Hopefully it will get better and this weather will change quickly. Maybe the headaches got worse because of the extreme amount of pollen floating around in the air. I always wonder what I should write about and then nothing seems to come to mind when I am thinking about it. Yet when I am away from paper or laptop, ideas come to me much more easily, (usually when I am in the shower) or somewhere else where I don’t have something that I can write down those ideas on or with. And then I worry about the idea of plagiarism and writing fanfiction. I want to write fanfiction again, specifically on television shows and books, because I have recently become obsessed with Shadowhunters Free Form/The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare (or at least the book series is written by her). I hope I will feel better soon. Maybe I did too much singing last night… I don’t know if that really was a lot of singing, though. I don’t recall at the moment when I started reading City of Bones for the second time (this time to hopefully be reading the whole book from cover to cover). I’m definitely going to be drinking hot tea, water, and having some of my favorite things just because I can and because it could help me feel much better. I will also seriously try to go to bed early.

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May 16, 2016 – Monday-  
I have had a pretty good Monday so far. Saturday and Sunday were great! I got to practice driving through our neighborhood Sunday evening and went to supper at TY Thai. The food was delicious and we saw and talked with L. from the Boonsboro Kroger Pharmacy. That was neat. Sunday Papa and I went on our weekly Sunday drive, this time with one new person. Papa and I ate supper together at the TY Thai restaurant. Saturday went pretty well too, we-Papa and I went for a drive again, and we had a great time. When it was time for supper, we went to the Milan Indian Cuisine Restaurant on Lakeside or Old Forest Road (I forget which road it is). The food was delicious like usual. We got an appetizer and one dish different than we usually order. I think I shocked our waiter by knowing how to pronounce the names of the dishes pretty well. The new dish that it was the first time ordering I mispronounced. But everything else I pronounced almost perfectly. That was neat. Then Papa and I discussed a lot of things at the dinner table, including the possibility of his retirement, the possibility of my working with younger than 10 year old children, and finding work through/at a day care or early learning center. I talked with Mrs. Morgan today about that and she will be researching some stuff herself which I greatly appreciate. I wonder if L. Bryant has found any office work or desk job organizing type of like secretary work that I could do around the Police Department. I have been reading City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare, the second book of the Mortal Instruments Series. I was on page 86, chapter five, as of Sunday. Now on Monday, I am on page 100, chapter five. I hope that I get the chance to read more during this week even though I have many other duties that I should be worrying about that I just can’t seem to follow through on/with while still feeling under-the-weather. I am 95% better than I was in the morning. I will need to take another dose of medicine, because it will be noon quite soon. Hopefully I will feel better very soon. Later, Monday evening Paul’s wife (of the Sunday drives) will be bringing by some Indian food for dad and myself as a Thank You for Dad being able to take and pick up Paul, his wife, and their kids to the airport for them to be able to attend a Wedding.

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May 17, 2016 – Tuesday- 

Today is Tuesday, my mom went to knitting group and I volunteered at school. My head is currently killing me it feels like very slowly. I will probably need to take some medicine of some sort. I am reading City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare. The City of Ashes is book two of the Mortal Instruments series. I am now on page 178 of 453; Chapter 9 and I can’t believe that I have already gotten that far!! I hope Shadowhunters comes back with many more seasons; I want to see how the actors will represent their characters. I discovered some other people’s opinions about the show series and the book series, along with the very short movie scene. I was happily able to go on a drive yesterday with my dad. Before the drive he and I had supper that was made by our neighbor, Paul’s wife, (Paul the one who joins us on Sunday morning drives!) I wonder what we will be having for supper tonight; I wonder if mom knows yet. I wonder if I could practice some more driving soon too. I should be helping Ms. Tweedy or someone else but I am not sure where I should be heading. I feel like the day did not go as well as it should or could have gone. I upset F. by making a comment that he is small, tiny, and short, because, well compared to T. , R., and E., F. is currently much smaller. He is thin and mostly bone-y. He doesn’t have much fat on his body. He probably just hasn’t had enough of the right nutrients, or something. He will more than likely hit a huge growths-spurt by the time he’s 20. I was actually just joking and he took me very seriously which I found slightly frustrating, like he couldn’t take it as a joke because I was looking serious. Oh well, he’ll definitely be taller than me when he’s older (mostly because he’s male and they have a longer period of growing time). I stopped growing at twelve years old and I haven’t gotten any taller –not even the slightest bit- ever since then!! I am making plans for my birthday. I hope I have a good day, but only I can make that happen! I will be positive and get more sleep these next few days. I will enjoy my time with friends and have a great day! I will also hopefully get several gift cards. But I hope everyone can get along even for a short period of time. I didn’t know that some of the people I invited did not get along well with other people I invited. I might have to limit the number of people I invited or we will have to separate between two or more tables!! Last I checked there were 13 or so people able to join, 15 maybes, and 78 more invited. At one point I had 100 people invited!! I want this party to be fun and for everyone to enjoy themselves. I want to just spend time with my many friends, several of whom I wouldn’t have expected to know. I have many more friends on Facebook.com (somewhere near 80) than friends I communicate with on a regular basis (at most five). I wish I could write better than I do. I am now great at typing because of having so much practice and randomly typing these journal entries has helped too. I want to be able to write whatever I want. I particularly want to write something of fiction, non-fiction, historical fiction, and biography. However, I am not sure how I would write any of these things well. I am not sure why I always feel the need to doubt myself especially when it relates to my writing or experiences in life. I lack experience in a lot of things and situations. How does a person go about changing that? I am shy but I don’t feel that way all of the time. I am an introvert with some times being an extrovert but not always. I don’t know whether I am beautiful. I am not very good at relationships. I have trouble explaining how I feel sometimes and that is why I write it out so often. I wonder if I could use that introvert knowledge and ability to my advantage in stories and being able to express how a character is actually feeling. I have only been on two actual dates and even with planning and discussing with parents and Thomas I still felt like there were too many pauses and stammers during conversation. I wish I didn’t have so much anxiety!! I wish I could also sing better than I do. I love singing along to my music, but I cannot properly sing acapella. I wish I had better self-esteem as well. I feel like I am curling into myself in a ball of anxiety and like it is trying to swallow me up or something like that. I need more sleep again. I thought I had gotten enough sleep last night but apparently not as I am tired right now. I had been on the computer last night, got off by around 11:01 pm. Then I got in bed and read a couple of pages out of City of Ashes. I got some information earlier today from Mrs. M. which I will go over more closely later today. I am very grateful for that information. I should probably stop thinking so much and just get off of the computer and go back to Ms. T’s room. I wonder if there are any other teachers who could use my help. Oh well, I need to get going and maybe read some more rather than continue working.  
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June 9, 2016 - Fun Day  
Everyone at school has gone to Fun Day bowling now. They will be back around 1pm. I have a meeting with K. D. at 1:30 ish pm, so I am not spending time with the groups going to bowling. I will be revamping my resume, hopefully it will look much better afterwards! I also need to start writing a cover letter, because I had never written one before. Last night I couldn’t sleep immediately. I decided to watch, actually to re-watch FLIGHT 29 DOWN thanks to Youtube.com. I believe I am on the third or so episode of thirteen or was it twenty-six episodes?


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